Skip to main content

Mama Bear Syndrome


Bringing Felicity into the world included a lot of firsts—First epidural, first IV, first drive while in labor, and of course, first baby. Another first was a strange, determined, protective emotion that hit in the wee hours of the morning, the night after I gave birth.

The high and excitement of meeting Felicity and introducing her to family and friends throughout day had evaporated. My husband was home building the crib since Felicity made her advent early. He promised to return quickly. Night had fallen and I lay in the sometimes comfortable, sometimes lumpy and sticky hospital bed. As I held Felicity in one arm, I faded into an exhausted sleep.

That’s when the lights turned on and a new nurse stepped into the room. Pills. I needed to take pills… she wanted to weigh the baby…the baby was sleeping. Incoherent thoughts tried to focus on the interruption. Why? Why was she here? Her manner was a combination of practical no-nonsense and hesitancy at waking the sleeping new mom. She wasn’t anything like the cheery morning nurse who picked up my baby with ease. "Cutie,” the morning nurse called my baby. And her gently accented voice and tender manner relaxed me. Nighttime nurse, who woke me up, was something new.

Nighttime nurse returned later. Baby needed to be weighed. Felicity began to cry. In a haze of sleep, I tried to calm her. She wouldn’t quiet down. Morning nurse had magic fingers and anytime she held baby Felicity crying stopped. Nighttime nurse took Felicity supposedly to quiet her and my little baby screamed. Quick judgments flew through my brain. Nighttime nurse doesn’t know what babies need. I can calm Felicity better. I took my baby back, trying to solace her.

Felicity had had her first shot that morning and in my sleep deprived state I was certain that the little limb was sore. I had just been poked with needles too and I am a big person. So when nighttime nurse told me about the new-born screening, which included blood drawn from Felicity’s heel I felt steel inside of me. No. She would not take my baby. No. This could not be good for my little baby who was not yet twenty-sour hours old. No. Felicity would not be screened. 

It was another nurse, with gentle hands, that I finally relinquished Felicity to for her screening. Gentle-hands nurse brought Felicity back swaddled and quiet.

Sleeping bears are supposed to be left alone. The same could be said for sleeping mothers.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Two Little Girls and a Bench

  It was one of those moments before dinner in which I could have easily moved into the busy rush of dinner, clean-up, and bed-time, when I was stopped in my tracks. Isabelle, with her round face, and bright eyes, and fifteen month strength, clamored onto a bench and made it apparent to me that she wanted to jump from its one foot height with the help of my hand. I obliged and a game began, a game that was immediately joined by Emmaline, her three-year old sister, who does everything with full abandon. Soon, I found myself holding two little hands as two little girls jumped off a bench in unison. What joy this moment held for them. Again. Repeat. They would have jumped as long as I allowed. Each little face starlit with the joy of leaving the earth for one brief moment in the company of one’s sister and one’s mommy.  Tonight I read in Chesterton’s Orthodoxy that, “Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hit the Ground Crawling

So admittedly it's been awhile since a mommy adventure has been documented via typing. The lack of stories mostly coincides with the end of maternity leave, but now the time has come to hit the ground of writing with some crawling. At least Felicity seems to thinks it’s time to crawl. Only she’s finding that her body doesn’t want to cooperate yet. I noticed she wanted to crawl when she started making flips onto her tummy to signal the end of naptime. Then, during playtime, she’d flop onto her large middle and stretch her little fingers grabbing at the toy that rolled just out of reach.  Toes push the ground, but her belly keeps her beached. And the most she’s managed is to scoot backwards or to rotate using her belly as an axis. But the crawling is coming soon.   She wants it badly. The little toes are starting to realize they need to push at the ground and determination to move forward fills her face with each passing day. At the moment, crawling is a Mueller fam...
Post a Comment
Read more

They Say One Gets Tired as a Mom

My mom tells me that little Leilani cried her first six months of life and then began to crawl and the crying ceased. She said I just wanted to go places and my baby body inhibited me. Since learning what hands and knees were good for, going places and doing things has been standard operating procedure for me. Energy in abundance and curiosity has enlivened me. And it’s been fun—The read books when one wants, stay up late, travel the world, spend money without thinking, talk to friends whenever, carefree, self-centered, child to adult type of fun. Now the fun is different, because I am a wife and mother. Getting married and having Felicity are the two best things that ever happened in my life, but with those wonderful happenings, I discovered burden bearing in a way never previously experienced. Marriage is said to be sanctifying. The same can be said for motherhood, because in these two experiences an overwhelming desire for the good of one’s husband and daughter becomes ...
Post a Comment
Read more