Skip to main content

Gabriel Joins the Family

“Mom, I’d say there is a sixty percent chance that I’m going into labor tonight.” I felt awful as I lay on the bed in my cozy Texas house talking to my mom who was driving down a California freeway with my dad and my college roommate and her husband. It was fifteen days before Gabriel’s due by date, and I felt… off. The energy that sustained me most of my pregnancy, allowing me to run, teach, and keep up with Felicity, had disappeared. Even with the litany of tasks to accomplish I just wanted to lay in bed—my stomach was queasy. Our unfinished remodel of the children’s room, the rehearsal in anticipation of my students’ state competition, my own baby shower, and prep to take leave from teaching American lit marched through my mind as I considered the real possibility that Gabriel was coming sooner rather than later. I wasn’t sure that I was ready.

That Saturday night, after I spoke to my mom, the contractions stopped. I felt…almost normal. Sunday I rested and wondered and went to my baby shower. Somewhere between Saturday and Sunday my expectations shifted. Gabriel might come soon, and if he did, it would be all right. Sunday night my water broke.

**

Gabriel Lewis made his advent into the world early Monday morning, November 6th. The state One Act competition for my students was ten days later. Both doctors said that I could go—to the state competition that is. Laying in the hospital bed, in the evening with the low light, crumply sheets, sterile pillows, and my son cuddled next to me, I wanted to leave the building. I wanted to go to the competition. I wanted to bounce back to my normal self with one effortless leap.

But what is normal? On the fifth normal was Nathan, Felicity, and me, our little home, some time with students, bed time stories, adventures with Felicity, life with Nathan. On the sixth normal changed.

Like the evening in which my uncertainty about Gabriel’s advent changed to peace that he might come, I need to realize that in the rush of new and old things that now occupy my life that it will be all right. That although expectations shift and I might feel off, that it is ok.

I didn’t go to the state competition. Instead I stayed home and held my little guy.


A couple days after Gabriel was born, Nathan and I sat and the couch, looking at Gabriel in his baby swing. It was the most ordinary moment to have him there in the living room, to have him part of the Mueller family. Gabriel in our lives, is something I would never change. We are blessed and it is all right if I need to rest a little more before trying to run again.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleepy Prayers

A small mewling breaks into my night’s sleep. Thankfully, I sleep lighter than was my wont growing up. If I roll over to steal a few more winks, the mewling turns into small cries and groggily I attempt to open my sleep soaked eyes. Food. Felicity needs food. The thoughts fall through my brain. Her little arms flail helplessly in her monkey bassinet and her tiny feet kick at her blanket. If her cries could be translated I’m sure they would consist in “Mommy, please pick me up. I’m hungry.” Or the imperative, “Feed me now!” Pulling myself up, I bend down and pick her up.   The only light turned on is the light above the stove. It casts a faint glow into our bedroom. Holding her I take her to the front room and sit in the glider and rock. I’m sleepy, but I try to hold the moment— “Don’t blink it goes so fast,” people say. I’m trying not to blink, but my eyes are so sleepy. “Let’s pray,” I tell her. Her lips smack and her eyes open and close. She doesn’t know what pra...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Adventure Begins Very Early on the Morning of July 15th

Note: In-N-Out is the first place I go when I arrive back in California. The California chain tastes like coming home. My day had been planned. I was going to walk with friends. Have coffee with my mom and a phone date in the evening. Followed by my husband asking, “what should we have for dinner.” And me responding “In-n-Out.” I’ll admit it I did exercise in hopes of expediting the labor process, but as I had been told, “babies will come when they will.” So I laid my plans: Plan A the aforementioned walk etc. and Plan B— Have a baby. When my mom arrived, full of more energy than I’m used to her having (a contrast with my labored lack of energy), it was apparent that Plan B was in effect. We were most definitely not going to coffee. I was going to have a baby. Labor… it’s not fun. Epidurals… they are a wonderful invention. It was late evening. I’d hoped they’d let me push on the 14 th . The history nerd in me was caught by the idea of having a baby on Bastille D...
1 comment
Read more

Hit the Ground Crawling

So admittedly it's been awhile since a mommy adventure has been documented via typing. The lack of stories mostly coincides with the end of maternity leave, but now the time has come to hit the ground of writing with some crawling. At least Felicity seems to thinks it’s time to crawl. Only she’s finding that her body doesn’t want to cooperate yet. I noticed she wanted to crawl when she started making flips onto her tummy to signal the end of naptime. Then, during playtime, she’d flop onto her large middle and stretch her little fingers grabbing at the toy that rolled just out of reach.  Toes push the ground, but her belly keeps her beached. And the most she’s managed is to scoot backwards or to rotate using her belly as an axis. But the crawling is coming soon.   She wants it badly. The little toes are starting to realize they need to push at the ground and determination to move forward fills her face with each passing day. At the moment, crawling is a Mueller fam...
Post a Comment
Read more